Hey everybody,
I have been having a thought at the back of my mind since a few days. This sounds extremely ridiculous but I was pretty serious about it... until few days back that is.
This thought occurred to be when I was going through my Facebook profile. There was this post that said, "Have you ever wished to just leave without a word to anyone? Like. Just leave." Thing is, I did think about it- several times actually. And I thought so much about it, that the idea started looking very real. very...doable.
I mean... what's the big deal? Sure you need a hell lot of courage to do something of the sort. It's funny actually. There was a time when I actually ha run away from home- for five minutes of course.
The story goes like this- I was quite young then. Maybe 14 or 15. And DAMN was I rebellious then! I used to oppose almost everything my elders told me. Yeah, I am pretty much the same now. Difference is, I have learnt to not voice my opposition. Now, I just quietly slide by and continue with what I actually wanna do. Anyway, at that time I was super- frustrated with my parents. They kept bugging me to study and I just didn't want to. I had nothing to do throughout the day, but I just didn't WANT to study. Even so, I had to. I had to sit holding my textbook under my nose through the day. This had been going on for a week then. That week, my parents were particularly strict- or so it seemed to the rebellious little me. That particular day was actually the nerve bursting day for me. I'd sat with my book through the day yet my parents HAD to find SOME or the other issue to yell at me for. So, I'd had it. I made up my mind and decided to leave. Just. Leave. I hadn't thought out anything. All I had in mind was how 'stupid' and 'heartless' my parents were. (yes, I remember using the exact same words while talking to my sister about it). So, I got off my bed and quietly walked past my parents' room and to the door. I opened it without making my much noise, opened the front gate and broke into a run. I ran straight, away from my house, without knowing where I was headed. I kept running until I reached the main road. There I turned right and had started running again. I was wearing a t-shirt and a skirt. I saw the glimpse of the familiar faces of my locality looking at me. Only now, they weren't just familiar faces anymore. These were the faces of people who could just pick me up and do whatever they wished with me. These were people who weren't my parents and thus didn't give much of a damn about me. These were the people who wouldn't mind taking advantage of me. These were people I didn't know jack about. The fear had slowly started to creep in. I made another right turn at the first lane that came into view. I hadn't stopped running. My mind was racing my legs. Suddenly I was very aware of my clothing. I was very aware of everyone that was looking at me. I was very aware of my indecisive mind. I was very aware of the foolish act that I was doing. As it hit me, I stopped. What. In the name of GOD. was I doing? I stood quietly looking at the people passing by throwing strange looks at me. I was out of breath and I was scared witless. Then I started to panic. As I was about to break into a sob,I looked around and saw that I was standing next to the lane directly at the end of which was my home sweet home. I blinked the tears out of my eyes. There was a weak resistance working at the back of my mind. It was the resistance brought forward by my obstinate mind. I quietly started walking towards my home. I heart was beating hard. It could have been a result of all that meaningless running or it could be because of the reaction that I was going to meet with at home. I wanted to start crying. I felt nauseous. As I reached my house, I saw that the front gate was open- just like I had left it. The door was half ajar- like I had left it. I slowly got inside the gate and closed it behind me. Then I got in through the door and bolted it. I slowly walked to my bedroom were my sister was seated and found my mother standing there talking to her. As I entered, she turned around- "What were you doing?" she demanded. "Toilet" I mumbled sitting down on the bed and propped my book open. She stared at me for a minute without me acknowledging her and then left the room. My sister looked at me and said- "like hell you'd be running away". I looked at the watch. Just five ten minutes had passed since the moment I had run away.
So yes, now I know exactly how it feels to run away from home.
...and ridiculous as it may sound but... I think I am ready to face it again.
Good luck to me, eh?
I have been having a thought at the back of my mind since a few days. This sounds extremely ridiculous but I was pretty serious about it... until few days back that is.
This thought occurred to be when I was going through my Facebook profile. There was this post that said, "Have you ever wished to just leave without a word to anyone? Like. Just leave." Thing is, I did think about it- several times actually. And I thought so much about it, that the idea started looking very real. very...doable.
I mean... what's the big deal? Sure you need a hell lot of courage to do something of the sort. It's funny actually. There was a time when I actually ha run away from home- for five minutes of course.
The story goes like this- I was quite young then. Maybe 14 or 15. And DAMN was I rebellious then! I used to oppose almost everything my elders told me. Yeah, I am pretty much the same now. Difference is, I have learnt to not voice my opposition. Now, I just quietly slide by and continue with what I actually wanna do. Anyway, at that time I was super- frustrated with my parents. They kept bugging me to study and I just didn't want to. I had nothing to do throughout the day, but I just didn't WANT to study. Even so, I had to. I had to sit holding my textbook under my nose through the day. This had been going on for a week then. That week, my parents were particularly strict- or so it seemed to the rebellious little me. That particular day was actually the nerve bursting day for me. I'd sat with my book through the day yet my parents HAD to find SOME or the other issue to yell at me for. So, I'd had it. I made up my mind and decided to leave. Just. Leave. I hadn't thought out anything. All I had in mind was how 'stupid' and 'heartless' my parents were. (yes, I remember using the exact same words while talking to my sister about it). So, I got off my bed and quietly walked past my parents' room and to the door. I opened it without making my much noise, opened the front gate and broke into a run. I ran straight, away from my house, without knowing where I was headed. I kept running until I reached the main road. There I turned right and had started running again. I was wearing a t-shirt and a skirt. I saw the glimpse of the familiar faces of my locality looking at me. Only now, they weren't just familiar faces anymore. These were the faces of people who could just pick me up and do whatever they wished with me. These were people who weren't my parents and thus didn't give much of a damn about me. These were the people who wouldn't mind taking advantage of me. These were people I didn't know jack about. The fear had slowly started to creep in. I made another right turn at the first lane that came into view. I hadn't stopped running. My mind was racing my legs. Suddenly I was very aware of my clothing. I was very aware of everyone that was looking at me. I was very aware of my indecisive mind. I was very aware of the foolish act that I was doing. As it hit me, I stopped. What. In the name of GOD. was I doing? I stood quietly looking at the people passing by throwing strange looks at me. I was out of breath and I was scared witless. Then I started to panic. As I was about to break into a sob,I looked around and saw that I was standing next to the lane directly at the end of which was my home sweet home. I blinked the tears out of my eyes. There was a weak resistance working at the back of my mind. It was the resistance brought forward by my obstinate mind. I quietly started walking towards my home. I heart was beating hard. It could have been a result of all that meaningless running or it could be because of the reaction that I was going to meet with at home. I wanted to start crying. I felt nauseous. As I reached my house, I saw that the front gate was open- just like I had left it. The door was half ajar- like I had left it. I slowly got inside the gate and closed it behind me. Then I got in through the door and bolted it. I slowly walked to my bedroom were my sister was seated and found my mother standing there talking to her. As I entered, she turned around- "What were you doing?" she demanded. "Toilet" I mumbled sitting down on the bed and propped my book open. She stared at me for a minute without me acknowledging her and then left the room. My sister looked at me and said- "like hell you'd be running away". I looked at the watch. Just five ten minutes had passed since the moment I had run away.
So yes, now I know exactly how it feels to run away from home.
...and ridiculous as it may sound but... I think I am ready to face it again.
Good luck to me, eh?
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